Today’s my birthday. As in, there are technically two hours left on the day that celebrates my birth. It was a big birthday – the 40 one, the actuarial midpoint in life, whether or not it’s my particular life’s midpoint. Genetically speaking, maybe. Who know what God has in mind, though.

Good point to take stock and see what I’d like to keep and what I’d like to change in whatever time is left. Sort of been on this earth long enough to get a sense of how it works and how I work.

What I want to keep: my kids, my husband, the friendships we have which seem to grow a bit stronger as we get older… a desire to experience and adventure, some of which I hope I’ve been able to share with my kids of late.

What I want to lose a bit of:
* my work goal focus – I want to do good work, but I think I’m past the point where I’m willing to put in over and above for long periods of time. I still have the habit ingrained in me, but every time I do it, I’m less proud and more frustrated with myself. I’m proud of myself for saying ‘no’ to a recent opportunity: to do it well, I’d have had to be prepared to go ‘all-in’, and I just don’t want to trade away all of the other things I could do or be to be ‘all-in’ on a work project. There are so many other things I’d find more worthy, in the end, I think.
* my impatience. If something doesn’t happen now, or exactly the way I have in my mind, it may happen in the future, or it may happen in a better or worse way than I thought. But being frustrated with it loses any enjoyment in what is available now.

So, things worthy of attention:
* taking care of my health… it’ll only get harder, I hear. I don’t need to do the big ‘prove it’ kinds of marathons or fitness events (though I wouldn’t mind notching another half). I want to set a good baseline of fitness and strength, as well as just a general good habit. Oh, and do those pull-ups!
* Spending time with my kids really focusing on hearing their interests and thoughts, and sharing my own. The girls and I just took a trip to New Orleans which expanded all of our horizons, and let us spend time sharing new adventures and memories. Cora can now say she’s eaten a bug (and so can I!).
* Finding opportunities to use my talents or at least energies in ways that benefit the world, particularly “the least of these”. Our church does a few things, I’ve seen other opportunities to use my technical skills, and I’m ready to be surprised by some new angle. Now’s the time, while I have energy and health and my kids have growing independence, to find the things God’s already prepared for me to do.

I remember when I turned twenty, and thus when my mom turned forty. I have a better relationship now with my kids at my forty mark, and I intend to keep that and grow it. Maybe my relationship with my folks will improve or maybe it won’t (see that losing the impatience goal). In the meantime, I focus on what I can directly impact and tend… my relationships with kids, my husband, others we know now and those we may yet come to know.

No mid-life crisis… I think my motorcycle may always remain more of an image rather than a reality. No desire to retire early and go do something crazy… maybe cut back hours at some point to get to dedicate more time to something I find meaningful, but since I don’t yet have that effort identified, it’s still the time to keep looking and doing with what comes in front of me.

So, perhaps that’s my midpoint resolution: keep looking and on the watch and be ready to dedicate effort to those things that come in front of me. Ready for 40 and onward.